As an inexperienced teacher I entered into a class for the first time in my entire life. Before that I have never been into teaching and consequently it ended in a disastrous note. Since then I started "hate" children, by that I meant I started maintaining a uneasiness picture of them because out there everything was out of control. But I love children more than anything because of their childish innocence.
My heartbeats danced wildly as I stepped on to the inner yard of that Vidyalayam. Abhilash, my new colleague seemed so friendly and caring started giving me some busy instructions at a stretch cause ,I said earlier that, it's an eleventh hour appointment.
" Did they say anything regarding classes ?"
His palakkadan slang seemed so curious.
"No Abhilash.... They said nothing , what I am going to do here.. my mind is full blank "
"It's simple friend....which session you want ? Higher or UP session , actually you are here for Higher session "
I thought for a while , then I thought ,since my English is in a dilapidated condition I got to go for lower session, Higher students would find me inexperienced if my class go wrong, so better take lower ones....
" Yeah Abhilash , could I take lower session , cause I don't know what to do on the first day"
"It's okay,...let's go then,"
Students started to assemble in the yard along with the drumb beats . It's sounds made thrilling and nervous emotions in my heart and I started to feel lonely in the midst of that students' arena. I felt I was in a strange world with some inexplicable musings. I felt my breath so heavy at every faces of students I came across.
bhum bhum bhum....bhum bhum bhum......still my heart started beating heavily with those drums .
I felt so dizzy cause I hadn't had breakfast. At one point of time I thought I fell down out of hunger on that nervous morning. It severed my obsessions and I unconsciously remembered the first day meetings with other teachers accompanied by Abhilash , I still remember my first day at a classroom...they welcomed me gracefully , Abhilash was with me and he introduced me before them....I vaguely remember , I enquired their names and some flops in my language .
I couldn't find my sound cause it was still in a state numbness .
5 C , I got my last period there , so small students and they were clamouring here and there and I couldn't control them. They didn't even mind me and I felt so broken .
"Silence ....silence ....." I shouted .But it didn't work , they were still indulging in their business. I tapped vociferously on the desk. They seemed unstoppable.I found myself helpless in the midst of that hellish army of little ones.
"Is that what teaching is ? Some say it's the divine profession , but I don't think so cause I find here none other than some little devils!
Despicable ones! "
My thoughts danced wildly.
I felt so broken. I hardly heard my sound shouting and it had already been started to melt in their commotions.
Two teachers rushed into the class in anger holding sticks and I had a vague memory of such cause my heart's feelings started to wail and it made my mind blurred.
" sir ,we could manage ...." one teacher said . I smiled her back but my innermost feelings were in a dilapidated condition.I got out of the class so broken as if I had determined something.