What's so special in being an unfortunate lecturer of a college where survival is damn relative in all respects. I will tell you guys about it and its indeed eventful and rather a bittersweet melody. So speaking, It's not at all a college if the young heads are cherishing their prospects in a crowded atmosphere, especially when at the classroom hours.I mean the entire atmosphere even the seating arrangements, like students are packed like sardines, so uncomfortable for that the comfy zones are pleasurably invaded for the sake of their time where the zealous inqusitiveness for learning decreases rapidly. The close zones give rise to some inflexibilities towards some lessons that come from lower tones but educational in all respects and I presume so. Because I was all blank then moreover I was trying hard to be a sane lecturer in the midst of those terrible commotions,the hostile one . The combination bloomed in bad times nevertheless my real passions found alive in those bad barren lands again and it was all. May be I was wrong in all my assessments, it could be and I was only to blame then. I had been tearing myself away with some personal delusions then and it caused the effect and in a way I was being my own whipping child.
So I was there with my lower grade in tones and so with academic pursuits but I had the will, but it wasn't enough. As a beginner I was having a hard time there and gradually I found the thorns since the tones failed me in all ways. I was like, being in the midst of some uncivilized barbarians, gnarling at me with all disobedience where they glued together for their impeccable deeds, in a way they were miles apart from the proper methodological sitting arrangements though. But if we look at the West it's completely different where they are provided with individual spaces. Here the mighty teacher can only do the trick. If there comes a lowered toned one, it would be disastrous. So I was not in the "mighty'' list in any possible way. I was in the latter one, a tangled dilemma though. And it's elevated intensity cannot be explained in words it needs to be felt and I did it deplorably.
It's a battle ground indeed there in the class, like running between the real rocket kind bullets. Incessant get outs, on the spot firings, cutting attendance and much more.The result was simply terrible as they contrived against my innocence and I could hear even now, it echoes still, the cold voice of the principal. I became a fired fly in the middle of my unfortunate lectures before even I realised that.
The section self finance, I felt some of it could be the derivatives, not the entire battalion. But they viciously pop up, I mean the derivative distortions of class hours, to ruin the ambience. One serpent is well enough for others to fall for it's ills. I cannot but I say I was one among them in the past, but a black sheep, like entirely different queer one who used to cut himself aloof from all the crowdy things. That is, I was a student there before and later got the golden, ( somewhat 'plated' in reality, ) opportunity to teach there. Many said I could be different then, but had I been the one in their dreams I would have been a deviant of lectures. But I was a firm believer of self finance section so that I even showed my resentment towards my one dear professor's average remarks on it. Now I think he was damn right.
One student even threw his text at me while I was at the class. The reason was simply severe, a terrible crime indeed that I told him to get out. I demanded strong actions against it but the authority, that's the honourable priest in charge found me the culprit, there turned the tables, I fell down and there withered my soul. There won the devil's pack in turn. It's only an incident in a dozen. The truth treaded in the dark, blindfolded, I was being denied justice deplorably. May be it's my fault cause I wasn't strong enough to tame those deviants. It's wasn't rather a students pack but an asylum where blooms money madness. It needed neither a guide nor a beacon of hope but a mighty warrior to tame the junk heads.
The review system made all the mess and there made the verdict, in the end. I was sure and I couldn't resist because my voice had already been deceived it's master in alive. The most annoying thing was without even my knowledge some professors handed in glove with those arrogant young head's score cards and at the end they won. Before I had given them the deserved scores, consequently it failed them all the way. But I became a jackass. It's a Kerala model educational system though and I feel pity of it. Even the administration so with the puppets of them. We can have world's biggest achievements and medals to have joy at any time with the the knowledge but it takes a life time to be a sane, flexible fellow. If we are lacking the innocence but have the knowledge of everything, what's the use in being a human.
I quit it in person for good. I need a sane pasture. I want to be a black sheep. I'm indeed the one.